I will not make any claims to ever being on any kind of diet, or doing anything at all in response to any kind of weight problem ever. But, I am thin and since you're reading this, you are obviously not.

Now, from my understanding, and i use that word (understanding) liberaly, pills are the way to go. But the question you're all probably asking is, "Exactly which pills are safe, but will still yield satisfying results?" The fast answer, is speed. GET IT?!?! FAST ANSWER!?!??! LMAOROTF!!!! But seriously, even the D.E.A. will testify to my favor. But if you doubt me, try em all!! And if you're worried about the soundness of my medical advice, I forgot to include the disclaimer that I am in no way responsible for any actions resulting from the referencing of this article. Cuz it's fuckinng genius, that's why.

Ok, at this point, you're probably asking, "what meaning do pills have in the definition of the word, diet?" And if you are, you obviously never used pills as a form of food. Neither have I, but I will make the safe assumption that it's perfectly fine. But it is probably ok to eat some food too. Now, I just saw for the billionth time (billionth meaning fifth) that subway commercial comparing the calories of a Subway sandwhich to McDonald's Big mac. Note the standardized capitilization in that last sentence. According to Jared, the big mac has somewhere between 50 and 500 calories while some subway sandwhich has like, 12 to 200. OBVIOUSLY McDonald's gives more bang for the buck, and why subway would just throw business out the window by running that ad is simply beyond me. So there you have it; eat mcdonald's on a diet.

If you do the above things, you will lose weight. And fast. Don't you see? It's like a race! A RACE TO THE GRAVE! Goodnite everybody!

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