by David Gallmeier

For anyone who wants to mimic my style of webauthoring, this will tell you how to do it. It's also a guide to webauthoring in general. It's mostly a primer on how to present material to Internet denizens in a well-mannered, sophisticated manner. So, first things first. Profanity. If you want to convey emphasis in an original sophisticated manner, profanity is the way to go. There is nothing you can't write about, in which profanity is unacceptable. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've gone to a website and said to myself "Geez. This site really needs more profanity." I was at cnn.com the other day, and, well, THAT editor has obviously not seen this guide! I'm actually going to go ahead and forward the admin a copy of this text as soon as I finish. Elementary schools is another area of American Society that desperately needs to be introduced to profanity. After all, it's a sign of maturity, and what could be better than trying to force 5 year old kids to grow up as fast as possibly, with total disregard to emotional and mental health. And physical health when the F.D.A. finally resigns itself, and admits they are bullshit, so we can begin to introduce test hormones into school lunch.

Bad ideas are the main theme of this site. A good example is here, in which I archive destruction of government property. Then I proudly left the mess out in the woods.

One good way to build a sense of community is to upload images from other servers. It lets you rob webhosts of content, fooling viewers into thinking the material belongs to you, while slowing down the connection for the client, as they now have to perform a name lookup on more than one server, before establishing connections, which impact the performance of double the amount of routers across the Internet!. I can't tell you how happy I get when I find out some 13 year old punk, armed with a geocities account, starts linking over to images which I've spent tens of hours on creating. It makes me even happier to find out this is done without any consent, or even notification whatsoever. We also need to thank the web owners of yahoo.com and angelfire.com, because we all know how much we, employed, non-pot-smoking web surfers, use the information these companies host at the whim of ritalin-deprived preteens across the net.

Finally, the last, but not least bit of advice is to sell your sorry site out to doubleclick.net. Make sure to include pop-up advertisements because polls show that pop-ups help to reduce cancer. It's win-win. The pop-up advertising increases the popularity of your site, while earning you BIG BUCKS.

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